Dormitory = Dirty Room
Clint Eastwood = Old West Action
A Telephone Girl = Repeating "Hello"
Western Union = No Wire Unsent
The Country Side = No City Dust Here
Evangelist = Evil's Agent
Astronomers = Moon starers / No more stars
The Cockroach = Cook, Catch Her
Desperation = A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code = Here Come Dots
Slot Machines = Cash Lost in 'em
Conversation = Voices Rant On
Disraeli = I lead, Sir.
Clothespins = So Let's Pinch
The Great New York Rapid Transit Tunnel = Giant Work in Street, Partly Underneath
Florence Nightingale = Nigel, Fetch an Iron Leg / Flit on Cheering Angel
(Richard Stilgoe in "The Richard Stilgoe Letters")
MacDonalds = Clam and Sod
Darling I love you = leaving your idol / Avoiding our yell
Butterfly = Flutter-by
Heavy Rain? = Hire a Navy!
Tom Cruise = So I'm Cuter
Animosity = Is No Amity
Mother-in-law = Woman Hitler
Funeral = Real Fun
A Domesticated Animal = Docile, as a Man Tamed it
The Railroad Train = Hi! I Rattle and Roar
The Hilton = Hint: Hotel
A Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss = Stroller on Go, Amasses Nothing
Sunshine and Shadow = Show in Sun and Shade
The Check is in the Mail = Claim "Heck, I sent it (heh)"
The United States Bureau of Fisheries = I Raise the Bass to Feed Us in the Future
Snooze Alarms = Alas! No More Z's
Vacation Times = I'm Not as Active
Software = Swear Oft
Silicon Graphics = A Long Chip Crisis / Can logic ship, sir? / Gosh, sir, I can clip!
Alec Guinness = Genuine Class
The Detectives = Detect Thieves
The Hospital Ambulance = A Cab, I Hustle to Help Man
Semolina = Is No Meal
The United States of America = Attaineth its cause, freedom
Christmas tree = Search, Set, Trim
A Gentleman = Elegant Man
Presbyterian = Best In Prayer
The Public Art Galleries = Large Picture Halls, I Bet
A Decimal Point = I'm a Dot in Place
The Earthquakes = That Queer Shake
Salman Rushdie = Read, Shun Islam
Martin Scorsese = Screen is a storm
(the director of movies "Taxi Driver," "Mean Streets," "GoodFellas," "Cape Fear," and "Age of Innocence.")
Barbie doll = I'll bare bod / Babe I'd roll / Liberal bod
Student Information Processing Board = Computation Transgression Forbidden
Statue of Liberty = Built to Stay Free
Eleven plus two = Twelve plus one
Patrick Stewart = A Crap Trek Twist
Mel Gibson = Bong Smile
Mel Gibson = Big melons
Admirer = Married
Indomitableness = Endless ambition
Contradiction = Accord not in it
Debit card = Bad Credit
Quote by Vonnegut:
Just because some of us can read and write and do a little math, that doesn't mean we deserve to conquer the universe. =
A masquerade can cover a sense of what is real to deceive us; to be unjaded and not lost, we must, then, determine truth.
Quote by Oscar Wilde:
There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not being talked about. =
Wilde died broken, beaten 'n' total nut. Hate being sunk in that rotten gaol. Shh, gay is taboo.
From Hamlet by Shakespeare:
To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. =
In one of the Bard's best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten.
Why shouldn't America go re-elect President Clinton in Ninety-Six? = He has a prime or cunning tendency to wildly solicit Internet sex.
William Clinton = I'm it, an ill clown
William Jefferson Clinton = Firm clean fellow. Joint? Sin!
William Jefferson Clinton = Jail Mrs Clinton: Felon wife
George Herbert Walker Bush = Huge Berserk Rebel Warthog
George Bush = He bugs Gore
Ronald Wilson Reagan = Insane Anglo Warlord
Ronald Wilson Reagan = A long-insane Warlord
Ronald Wilson Reagan = No, darlings, no ERA law
Ronald Reagan = A darn long era
Hook = Oh, OK
Raiders of the Lost Ark = Ford, the Real Star, is OK
The Towering Inferno = Not Worth Fire Engine (the contest winner)
Tony Blair, MP = I'm Tory plan B
Virginia Bottomley = I'm an evil Tory bigot
Margaret Thatcher = A charm tart, get her!
Margaret Thatcher = That great charmer
Margaret Hilda Thatcher = High-tech Armada rattler
Margaret Hilda Thatcher = A girl; the arch mad hatter
The Conservative Party = Teacher in vast poverty
The end of the world is nigh! = Down this hole, frightened!
(Donald L. Holmes)
The best things in life are free = Nail-biting refreshes the feet
(Donald L. Holmes)
"That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind." Neil A. Armstrong = A thin man ran; makes a large stride; left planet, pins flag on moon! On to Mars!
Do an angry hit = Tonya Harding
Grace 'n any rink = Nancy Kerrigan